You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
