So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
