Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
