Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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