she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize