About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
