PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
