I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is Oprah even human
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
