What a fucking waste of an outfit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
