I think I won the penis lottery.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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