Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
