i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
