Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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