Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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