What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
