I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
