vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
