Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
