Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
