i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
