My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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