i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
