Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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