He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
