He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
