I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
