My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
