omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
