you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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