i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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