The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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