apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
