Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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