What did we do last night that was yellow?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
