I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
