The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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