I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Rumble strips road head = magical
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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