I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
