The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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