I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up backwards on a recliner
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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