i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
