dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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