OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
