Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize