i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
