I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
