I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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