Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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