Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
