3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
