Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
