you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
