Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
why do cheetos always look like penises
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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