my mouth tastes like poor choices
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize