so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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