well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
