If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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