Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize