the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
