I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i barfeds in our rink
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize