so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
