I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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