I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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