dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
